Posts Tagged ‘sex’

If Burning Man was actually what people think it is!

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When I talk to people about Burning Man, people who have never been, I’m always amused by the array of the ideas of what they think Burning Man is like.  So this morning I got to thinking about what our experience on the Playa would be like if Black Rock City was really the place they think it is, so here’s a little thought exercise to take your mind off packing lists and ticket delivery dates, oh shit, I’ve got packing to do.

 

Arrival

Arriving at Burning Man the excitement always builds, rolling down the dusty road, reading the entry signs carefully placed so that if you’re speeding they are too hard to read.  You start to get dust blasted and soon you arrive at GATE.  Of course instead of getting your car checked for contraband and stowaway midgets, in addition your GATE team would also make sure you’re properly stocked for the event and to make sure, would give you your welcome kit including a full weeks supply of LSD, Ecstasy, condoms and lubricant.

You then merrily make your way, after dropping  a tab or two, on to the GREETERS, which signifies your true entry into Burning Man so of course this is where you get out of your vehicle and take your clothes off.  Once naked you will immediately be felated by your choice of greeters.  This being Burning Man you will have your choice of felators, you can pick from any gender or sexual preference, there is even a special lane of course for group felating.

burning man

 

Camps

Being the multi-everything event that Burning Man is you will certainly have your choice of theme camps.  There will be a wide variety of sex or drugs or rave camps where people are provided with free uppers to keep the 24 hour a day party going.  Of course single themed camps like Bong World are really only for virgin burners as veterans, grizzled maniacs who’ve survived multiple previous burns, are more likely to be able to handle the multi-themed camps.  These multi-themed camps are very popular with the veterans as they often cater to very specific and demented kinks.  Decorum and several state laws in the midwest and south prohibit me from going into details but let us leave it with the names of some of the more popular camp names which include: Angry Dragon Camp, Dirty Sanchez Village, Coke Fueled Felchers, Monkey Wrenchers on Meth, Hot Rocks & Pearl Necklaces, Queefers on E, The Twisted Sisters, Fucked Up Figgers, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and Unicorns (Camp LSDU), Fucking Fire and Ice and my personal favorite Ookie, Gookie Cookie Quaalude Camp.

The real question of course is how do you win at Burning Man, you know, get into the best camp in Black Rock City.  Quite frankly it’s not easy, it takes years of debauchery and depraved indifference but if you can survive 10 years on the Playa, you may get an invitation to the most sacred and secret camp at Burning Man, The Full HST Experience Camp.  Out of fear and loathing  for my safety, I cannot tell you anything else about this camp.

 

Burning Man

 

Art at Burning Man

Let’s face it folks, the art is really nothing but a cover for the depravity, but it has to be made to look good.  That’s why professional art crews are flown in from around the world, San Francisco, New York, Paris, Florence to install massive art structures on the Playa.  I mean seriously, how would a bunch of naked, stoned hippies and ravers have the time or the wits to install giant art installations.  Also, this is the explanation for why the tickets are so damn expensive, seriously, did you think it costs over $400 to camp on a desolate and dusty lakebed in the middle of nowhere?!

burning man, bliss

Burning Man

fix shark car

Burning man, Thunderdome

 

Gift Culture

One of the best things about Burning Man is the lack of any kind of commerce, except of course when we sell things.  For those on the outside they understand that what truly happens is an “underground” commerce.  Sure, we don’t exchange cash for drinks at a Playa bar but we all know a gin and tonic costs a hit of “E”, a Margarita a hand job, and specialized cocktails go for, really, kids might read this for fuck sake, I’m not writing about what happens if you ask for a specialized cocktail on the Playa, don’t you have an imagination, sheesh.

Burning Man, Barbie

 

Burning the Man

Our New Years Eve equivalent, the big party, but people know what’s really going on here.  A drug fueled frenzy where cocaine is weaponized into a fine mist-like powder and sprayed through the crowd.  Of course the price of entry to the big burn is a hit of your favorite hallucinogen, a few caps or several drops of liquid LSD.  The best part of the man burn is when people watch it online from home, the confusion is epic.  You see there actually is no burning of the man, each year the drugs, group delusions and hallucinations allow the participants to watch the most amazing fire experience of their life and it doesn’t even happen!  Folks watching at home watch as the crowd grooves and dances to the imaginary fire while crews of technicians dissemble and remove the man dumping a pile of burnt rubble in its place.

burning man

 

Being Dirty

One of the things I always hear from people is I can’t go to Burning Man, I couldn’t be that dirty for a week, I need to shower.  I try to explain that there are both showers and also non-showering ways to stay clean but they no better and of course this is what we all look like all week.

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The Temple

I’ve written pieces on The Temple including calling it The Heart of Burning Man, but people on the outside know what the Temple Burn is really all about.  Our friends at Christwire.org have already blown the lid off this one so I let you read all about it there, however this quote really says it all doesn’t it.

Heathen children utter the written lyrics from post-modern Satan-worship bands the The Atheist Phish, Snoop Lion and DJ Kalafi, until sweat drips down their brow and they summon The Burning Man himself, Satan. 

 

Burning Man

photo credit ~ Katrina Blum

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30 Days of Burning Man – Day 24, Sex on the Playa

This year there is a possibility that there will be a much higher percentage of newbies heading to the desert so I thought I’d spend the 30 days before the gates open throwing out some information, some images and a little bit of wisdom, advice and snark about the place I love so much. These posts will be generally directed at Burning Man virgins but hopefully some of you old dogs out there will contribute through comments or get some enjoyment out of them as well. So here we go.  .  I’ll include at least one photo from Burning Man each day and once a week I’ll do nothing but photos.  I hope the posts are sometimes helpful and also enjoyable, enjoy ~ ZD Blue

Yes, I know, you’ve been told that Burning Man is a drunken Pagan orgy where people are running around stoned and naked looking for the smallest of reason to jump into the sack with you.  Well, much like the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow, the Playa orgy is a bit of a myth.  Now, does an environment where people are relaxed, kind, non-judgmental and uninhibited increase people’s libidos a bit, absolutely.  Does it turn everyone into wanton sluts, no.

First off folks and I’ve mentioned this before, there is a lot of law enforcement on the playa so public sex acts run a pretty high risk of getting you both observed and arrested.  So should you run into that leprechaun, be discreet.

Without a doubt some interesting things can happen on the Playa, on burn night, my first year on the Playa I was propositioned at the burn by a really friendly young lad, not my cup of tea so I passed on the offer.  I’ve been picked up on a bike ride by a lovely young lady and claimed by an incredibly sexy vampire at PUN camp’s Nowhere bar, the Playa is a magical place and a lot of lovely things happen there.

Like in the default world however, no still means no and someone too loaded to give consent is off-limits.  We don’t want the ugliness of the default world to creep in, unfortunately at times it does but we should all do our best to make sure it doesn’t.

A little tour around the web for a little more information about sex on the Playa.

First, the experts, the folks at the Bureau of Erotic Discourse (BED) are dedicated to making sure sex is an appropriate and good experience on the Playa, I would really advise anyone to check out their site if you’re even thinking about having sex on the Playa.

http://www.bureauoferoticdiscourse.org/

Sex and relationship advice from the org site:  http://www.burningman.com/preparation/event_survival/relationships.html

Sex and the Single Burner

Once upon a time, I did a stint as an advice columnist. Here is the answer to a question I received.

Q. I’m going out to Burning Man for the first time and I’m curious about the sexual energy involved. Could the Goddess of Love give me a survival guide to sex at Burning Man?

A. As you state, there is a lot of sexual energy swirling and whirling about, much like a little hippie chick at a Dead show. Anything and everything can and will happen when you stick a bunch of 20th century homo sapiens in an empty desert. Here’s the inside skinny that will make your journey through the sexual side of Black Rock City more pleasant.

  • Figure out what you want. Love? Sex? Your wildest fantasies? It’s all there for the taking. And for goodness sake, make sure the person across from you wants the same thing. If she or he doesn’t, there are 500 others who do. Don’t go breakin’ no hearts.
  • Be respectful. Just because people are walking around naked does not necessarily mean they wish *you* were naked in a small enclosed space with them. Learn to take no for an answer, and don’t be afraid to use the “n” word yourself.
  • Pay attention to your body. The desert is a dangerous place, and the climate alone will push you to the limit physically. Get plenty of rest, monitor your substance intake and carry water with you at all times (you also have to drink the water).
  • Always play safe. If your budget for supplies didn’t include condoms, stop by and see the fine folks at Safer Sex Camp. They’ll hook you up.
  • Make love to the playa, and she will love you back. Become one with the sun, the stars, and the omnipresent dust. (Word up to Annie Sprinkle for that piece of advice.)
  • Don’t be afraid to try new things. If there was ever a space for exploring, this is it! Who knows, you may even like it and want to do it again…and again and again….
  • Take responsibility for your own pleasure. You can find anything your little heart desires, but you have to ask for it first! If you don’t get what you want, look in the mirror.

Here’s a great piece on the subject from Carnal Nation  http://carnalnation.com/content/58418/1476/playa-virgins-guide-sex-burning-man?page=0,1

Seriously folks, let me say what all of the Megan’s Law supporters and apparently our US Supreme Court Justices and a large number of you believe as well, let’s just execute all the sex offenders.  If you are convicted of a sex crime let’s just kill you since it is obviously the most heinous crime that you can do.  I mean you can deal drugs to children, massacre a family, torture animals or rape someone who is 18 years and 1 day and still do only your sentence no matter how long it may be.  However commit a sexual crime against children and that includes our example above 2 days earlier, so someone who is 17 years and 363 days old and you can be held indefinitely regardless of what sentence you are given.  So my friends let’s not be hypocrites, let us stop pretending that child sex offences are crimes that we feel there is an appropriate penalty for and just do what we believe and execute all sex offenders.

This means we have decided that there is no rehabilitation even after a first offense, no penalty stiff enough short of the ultimate so why bother with sentencing, once convicted just line them up and shoot them!  Let’s not worry about the 18 year old who has consensual sex with his 17 year old girlfriend, the many false accusations that have occurred against childcare givers or cases of mistaken identity.  The risks to our children are too great so just execute the bastards.

This is obviously the next step in the process.  Step 1 commit a sex crime be sentenced and confined to prison, be given counseling or chemical castration and be controlled by the state for the length of your sentence and register with the state as a sex offender.  California has had a registration law on the books for fifty years.  Not good enough.  Step 2 was Megan’s Law, do all of the things you did in step 1 and then make sure your registration is on the internet and broadcast worldwide.  Step 3 do all the above but when a sex offender reaches the end of their sentence, deem them too dangerous for society and leave them in jail indefinitely, maybe we can ship them to Gitmo.  But why waste our time with the current step 3, on to step 4 execute the bastards.

Now let’s be clear, sexually assaulting a child is reprehensible were I to come upon it occurring I would probably execute the bastard on the spot, but then I would be subject to the legal system and I would accept my penalty.  What is completely unfair is to assign a penalty to a crime and then ignore that penalty.  Reverse it, just let people out before they have served their time and we all scream, so why is the converse alright.  Is it because the world is so much more dangerous these days for us and our children?  No, in fact in 2008 the violent crime rate was 3% lower than it was in 1999.

The problem here is twofold, first the pure hypocrisy of giving one sentence and carrying out another.  The second and much more ominous, is that this is the second time in the last 5 years where the United States of American, the supposed bastion of freedom on this planet has allowed human beings to be kept in prison indefinitely either in spite of their sentences or without the benefit of a trial in the first place.  What’s next my friends, what crime, offense, word or thought will be the next to be deemed of such a threat that your primary rights as an American are suspended?