Why I don’t participate in Amateur Night
I owe this expression to an old neighbor of mine, Jack Wrigley. When I once asked him if he had any plans for New Year’s Eve he simply replied, “I never participate in Amateur Night.” Along the way I came to understand the wisdom in that statement and eventually I came to not participate in the traditional New Year’s Eve festivities. I didn’t always believe this way and a long time ago in a state far, far away I even did the Times Square thing one year. Trust me for someone who really doesn’t like crowds, this was a huge mistake. The night turned into a small adventure where we ended up at an apartment party and then got lost on the subway at 4AM and nearly mugged an interesting adventure but not a great night.
My main objection to New Year’s Eve celebrations is that it truly is an amateur drinking night with a deadline. So many people of all ages go out to a large gathering, party, restaurant and proceed to drink hard so that they are appropriately loaded at midnight. Back when I was a drunk this was especially annoying because a mere three or four hours of drinking would never leave me more than a little buzzed and I’d be surrounded with a bunch of stumbling drunken idiots. I might add that a lot of people who don’t drink regularly, don’t drink regularly for good reason, they are lousy drunks. Inevitably in every New Year’s Eve crowd there is the obnoxious guy, who now that he’s drunk and supposedly doesn’t know what he’s doing starts making utterly rude comments. There’s the drunken jealous guy who is convinced anyone who looks at his date is trying to bed her. There are the stumbling drunks, the blasted and near vomiting folks, and the people who are on the edge of passing out and then of course the ones who are passed out.
It seems that very often the drunks who want to mouth off or pick a fight are somehow drawn to me at these soirees and I end up having to deal with them. The last way I want to signify the starting of a new year is with a fist fight or dealing with some drunken asshole. So for that reason I prefer to take a pass on Amateur night and will quietly welcome in the New Year at home.
For those of you who are professionals, and you know who you are, and have only professionals at your parties, have a great time and remember to drink lots of water. Happy New Year.