Dear Taco Bell employee, I know your job sucks, I’m sorry you have to work this minimum wage shit job in order to further your education, feed your family, or buy a new smart phone. However, if you ever want to actually move on from your current lot in life, you are going to have to learn some really basic things. Thing number one is to listen, I’m really sick of consistently having to repeat myself when you take my order, when I say, “for here,” at the end of my order, there is no need to then ask me for here or to go, I’ve already answered that question.
The second thing you need to learn is that although it may be a shit job, you’re still at work and so when I’m standing at the register you are running waiting to place an order, it really pisses me off when you take an extra two minutes to talk with your friend before acknowledging my presence. Likewise, when my order is ready and sitting there and you are chatting away with your co-worker instead of grabbing the order and bringing it to the counter, I’m getting a bit cranky, especially when I’ve just come from the gym and am really hungry.
And although it probably shouldn’t, the thing that absolutely pisses me off the most, is that you need to learn how to friggin count! If my order cost $4.23, my change is 77 cents, you shouldn’t need the cash register to figure that out and I’m sorry that when it’s $4.60 and I give you a dime you actually have to think, but trust me on this one, counting, like reading, is fundamental.
Finally, on almost every order you have an opportunity to demonstrate the mastery of both of these highly technical skills (for the Taco Bell workers out there, that’s called sarcasm) at once. You see, you always ask me if I would like any sauces with that, “why yes, give me two or three.” Or perhaps I might say a couple, but I try to do you a favor and use a specific number, give me 2 or 3 or 1. Inevitably however, I get 4, or 6 or tonight on the way home from the gym I said, “give me a couple,” my bad, BUT TWELVE! Really, in what universe, for two chicken soft tacos, do I need TWELVE FREAKIN PACKETS OF HOT SAUCE YOU UNIFORM SPORTING MORON!!!!
Ok, we’ve all worked shit jobs, but take a little freakin pride in what you are doing if for no other reason than your own self-respect and stop wasting stuff. I know, I know, you get the occasional jack-wad who says give me two sauces and you give them two and they yell at you for not giving them enough, so I get the round-up to the next number, but twelve, my god man you have got to do better. I need you to change this behavior because I have a feeling I’m going to be seeing you at my local Taco Bell for a very long time.
Hugs and Kisses,
Every Customer You’ve Ever Had